I have been sitting at my computer, staring at a blank page for nearly 10 minutes. "Write something, just write something." this little voice in the back of my head urges. But, to put it simply, I don't really know what to write.
Do I tell you that my Africa trip is 3 weeks (exactly 21 days) away? Do I tell you about how this greatly excites me while also terrifies me? Do I tell you that I'm scared mostly because I do not know what to expect? Do I tell you that as each day passes, I get more and more anxious to hold babies, to hear children laughing, to tell them Bible stories? But that I also worry, what if I'm not good enough or smart enough or experienced enough to teach these kids?
Or maybe, maybe I should tell you about my teammates. How is it possible I have already grown to love and care for these girls, though we've never met in person? Perhaps I should tell you that in 21 days, I will be seeing them face-to-face after many months of facebook message and emails. I could tell you that I'm mostly thrilled, but a little worried. Will it be awkward? Will we run out of things to say? What if I am a disappointment to them?
I could write about the fact that my stress level is slowly but surely inclining. My first thought every morning? I need a detailed packing list. Do I pack an air mattress or a sleeping bag? Should I bring Mary Jane shoes or Keen sandals? Capris or skirts? The idea of packing is beginning to freak me out. I don't know what exactly to pack, I don't even know what to pack in. And I won't even think about how I'm going to remember absolutely everything I need to bring, that will surely lead to many tears.
Maybe you want to hear about how this trip has already been changing me. Maybe you'd like to hear about the situations where I've learned to let go and trust- the late nights, many tears, and complete peace. The worried thoughts I entertained for no reason. The things I have already learned. The way I already view things differently. The fact that I now have a new understanding of the words 'provision' and 'trust'.
If I told you that some days this trip doesn't seem real to me, would you call me crazy? Some days it's so real to me I get goosebumps. Other days, it's like a faraway dream, like something that I can only hope I'll one day do. Honestly, there are many days where I just can't believe I will be in Africa in less than a month. Does that make me crazy, unprepared, foolish?
If you've made it this far, you deserve a high-five (or a cookie). I realize this post is mostly just me whining, complaining, and voicing my numerous worries. And I apologize, that's probably not a fun post to read. However, if you can make it to the recipe (for nutella crepes) you won't be disappointed.
Rather exhausted of thinking and worrying, I made these nutella crepes this morning. Mostly because I wanted to do something enjoyable, something to get my mind off things, and because I had the morning off (a rarity). Nutella crepes have also been on my 'to make' list for quite some time now.
(click 'read more' for recipe)
Nutella Crepes (adapted from allrecipes)
1 C. all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1 Tbs. sugar
1/2 C. milk
1/2 C. water
2 Tbs. butter, melted
powdered sugar (for sprinkling)
1. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together milk, water, eggs, and butter. In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, and salt. Add to milk-egg-water mixture, and whisk until smooth.
2. Heat a lightly oiled frying pan over medium-low heat. Using a 1/4 C. measuring cup, pour batter into hot pan. Tilt the pan in a circular motion so that the batter coats the surface evenly.
3. Cook the crepe for about 2 minutes, or until the bottom is light brown. Flip and cook the other side. Remove from pan. Repeat.
4. Once all the crepes are cooked, spread with nutella and roll up. Place (seam side down) on a baking sheet. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and put baking sheet in the oven. Cook just to warm the nutella, then remove from oven.
5. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve hot.